Clarion call to all divorced parents who, while loving their kids to an inestimable degree, couldn’t stand their former partner in the months prior to dissolution and still feel the same way now: suck it up.
It’s not about you. Not even remotely.
After all, you and your ex-spouse are allegedly, well, the adults in the family, and a judge certainly expects you to act as such
Because the court is far less interested in the sources of any incessant problems you and your ex might be having than in ensuring that the conduct each of you routinely engages in promotes the best interests of your children.
You’ve heard the “best interests” mantra before. It is unequivocally the gold standard in family law matters involving kids.
And that is especially true these days, given the growing judicial appreciation that co-parenting and joint legal and physical custody often serve as the best prescription for happy and well-adjusted kids.
We note a fundamental fact regarding divorced spouses with children on our website at the Wellesley Law Offices of Lisa A. Ruggieri, P.C., namely this: “the end of a marriage is not the end of their relationship with each other.”
You’re going to see each other. You have to jointly plan, come to agreement on many matters and know how to disagree in a manner that does not hurt your kids.
You have to, you know, parent, and in a responsible way.
The bottom line is that, with some resolve and practice, healthy and effective communication with your ex should be a doable proposition and, moreover, bring distinct benefits that greatly outweigh any perceived disadvantages.
Like this: You’re far more likely to steer clear of court, spending time and money and becoming an emotional wreck trying to find solutions to recurring problems.
And your children’s self-worth, coping skills and confidence will all be enhanced in an atmosphere that stresses civility and compromise rather than selfishness and antipathy toward any position other than your own.
Although effective communication between divorced spouses with children might reasonably seem like something that should be readily and routinely achieved, it can obviously take a bit of work in some cases.
But it’s worth it, right? When the recipients of bona-fide efforts to get along between ex-spouses are children, a bit of focused work to get things right hardly seems much of a price to pay to keep the family’s most treasured resources safe, happy and healthy.